If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “you should write a blog”…. like they think I have it all together… or maybe because I don’t, but love to joke on Instagram (#feralville #kizzielizzie #milliemacattack) about how crap being a mother is. Honestly, being a mum is fucking hard… on so many levels. I’m pretty sure at least one person warned me that it was hard, but I was like “of course its hard (for you), look how shitty your kids are…” {yep, for reals… go figure}
Anyway, Karma bit me on the ass and gave me a couple of shitty kids of my own who like to make me look like a shitty parent in public places. Because when you’re in a public place, as a parent these days, YOU HAVE FUCKING NOTHING… and the little bastards know it. The PC Gods have taken away all our corporal punishment power. I grew up with the ultimate worst threat before leaving home of THE BARE BUM SMACK (if you misbehave I will pull your pants down and smack your bare bum in.. front… of… EVERYBODY !!). Now all I have is pitiful statements (idle threats) like “when we get home I will put your favourite toy on the top shelf for 12 hours” or “that’s it, no technology for the rest of today”. Then we actually get home, the little buggers are so bored and whiny (because you took away their primary source of entertainment), that you break and give them said favourite toy or the iPad… because “oh my gawd… I have so much to do, just have it!” If that’s not you, scroll on, this blog is not for you. You have your shit together, you are consistent, you are a saint, and I bet you’ve never said “for fuck’s sake” to your kid… scroll on sister, you have a book to write about how awesome you are.
Aaaaannnnyway… back to me. I am an ordinary mum, who finds it easier to work in my physiotherapy practice, than to stay home and entertain my daughters (I went back to work with a 13 day old baby in tow, after a c-section for goodness sake… total madness). They are cute, and I love them with all my heart, but I mostly find them annoying and far too much like either me or their father. Sometimes they have the very worst of the both of us. I’m not a “new mum” with cute newborn and toddler pictures and stories to share. I have primary school girls with more sass than you can poke a stick at. The honeymoon is over… I’m more “seven year itch” kinda stage (although… no way I’m having a “parenting affair”… coz ya know… hate other people’s kids).
I guess what it boils down to is this… I have zero worthwhile parenting advice to give. Actually, all I have is empathy and plenty of humour to give when it comes to being a mum. Because, as it turns out, I’m wayyyyyy shittier at being a parent than I thought I’d be. HOWEVER, I’m a total over-achiever in every other area of my life. So… what I do have is a shitload of other more useful things I rock at. (Hell, I even crochet!!) Health, fitness, and reality TV are totally in my tool box!! And if you watch as much reality TV as I do, you’ll know the producers love a good sad backstory… and THAT I have in spades. But I’ll save that for a better day.
Feralville 